When it comes to the 1970s, things get complicated. The decade gave us many musical gifts, but it also gave us a lot of drivel. Overproduction was a key to the era, but so was some great rock and roll.
Unfortunately, we also received the five tunes below. All of the musical artists who recorded the songs became one-hit wonders. It is our fault they were.
Most did not deserve to have any hits. Now, they will live with us throughout the foreseeable future. We are worse off because of this.
These 1970s one-hit wonders did not deserve their one popular song
Mike Oldfield - "Tubular Bells" (reached number seven in the US in 1974)
Oldfield was 19 when this song was recorded, but he probably meant for it to be a bit more mellow; however, it became the horror film staple that it is today. Who can hear The Exorcist without hearing Oldfield's instrumental tune?
Of course, maybe Oldfield meant for the song to be creepy, which would be even weirder. You have to find the proper recording of this track, though, as Atlantic Records staff members produced a different version of the song. No matter if you don't find the tune scary, you might find it excessively boring.
Larry Groce - "Junk Food Junkie" (reached number nine in the US in 1975)
This track is making fun of someone, but it's difficult to tell exactly who. Maybe people who stick to a more natural diet, or people who love Twinkies. Either way, you are good people, and don't let Groce tell you otherwise.
The odd part is that Groce sings that his friends are somewhat jealous of the natural food lifestyle, but his English is so poor. The words contain this: "White sugar don't touch my lips/And my friends is always/Begging me to take them/On macrobiotic trips." He might eat well (half the time), but he did not have a quality education. So, don't be jealous of him.
Smokie - "Living Next Door to Alice" (reached number 25 in the US in 1977)
This is a cover of a song (New World produced the original), which already makes Smokie's decision to create his version questionable. The lyrics imply Alice has suddenly gained a lot of wealth, and that her leering next-door neighbor wants to see why. Only, he has loved Alice for 24 years. We know this because the phrase "24 years" is said seven times during the track.
The weird part is that the narrator learns of Alice's leaving from a phone call from Sally. Sally, as it turns out, has loved the narrator for, you guessed it...24 years. Upon learning of this, the narrator sings, "No, I'll never get used to not living next door to Alice." Ouch for Sally.
Randy VanWarmer - "Just When I needed You Most" (reached number four in the US in 1979)
Randy, sir... get over it. She has moved on, and so should you. In fact, leaving you at your lowest hopefully helped you try to rebound faster. Heck, if you were a millionaire and your partner just up and left, you'd still have your money, and you might sit and cry while ordering 50 pizzas. You could afford it.
But if, like Randy here, we presume that you had nothing, then the breakup might cause you to change your life and put you first for a change. You needed it. What we didn't need was this tune, so stuck in the 1970s that we might refuse to listen to songs from that decade for a bit.
Plus, if you ever wanted lyrics that defined codependency, these might do the trick: "I've written you letters that I'd like to send/If you would just send one to me."
Niteflyte - "If You Want It" (reached number 37 in the US in 1979)
This has all the saccharine sounds that bad 1970s R&B would have. It is overly earnest and cheesy. If one knew they were the person who inspired this drivel, they might ask how their life choices had gone so wrong as to inspire the songwriter.
If you like overproduced strings and a strain to have the kind of feel that Al Green's excellent "Let's Stay Together" has, but ultimately fails in a hail of mediocrity, this song is for you.