If you’ve had enough of the carols and the classics – if you have grown tired of the well-worn tales of Frosty and Rudolph – if you no longer care whether Santa will be bringing Clarence a new saxophone, or whether Patty Donahue will ever hook up with that guy from “Christmas Wrapping" - I’m here to offer you five brand-spanking-new holiday songs for you to test drive.
They cover a wide range of styles and tastes. Something sure to please everyone on your list.
Well, we can assume. Anything could upset anyone. But I hope these don't.
"Christmastime" - Straight No Chaser
Straight No Chaser has been cranking out a cappella Christmas tunes for the past fifteen years. The Indiana University boys began in Bloomington in the late ‘90s and have been recording and performing professionally since 2008. Their specialty – clean harmonies and witty takes on classics, or on whatever catches their ear.
This year’s tunes are featured on their Stocking Stuffer EP and the best of the lot are a pretty funny consideration of Walker Hayes’ “Fancy Like,” reworked here as “Christmas Like,” with a “slice of fruitcake, on the side too – sliced ham, canned yams, yo I got you.”
And for those of you most classically-inclined, a manic take on Edward Grieg’s “Hall of the Mountain King,” now simply called “Christmastime.” It begin slowly with traditional imagery and good will, but in the course of about two minutes will take us through the historical story and the current practices, complete with popular Christmas movies, gastro-intestinal challenges, and of course, crass commercialism. My favorite moment comes in the trip to the mall where…
“Propping kinds upon his lap – ‘smile, kid’ – cameras snap – Watch as Susie screams in fear, Christmas card tears.”
"All I Want for Christmas is You" - Philly Specials
If classical tomfoolery is not your thing, maybe you’d prefer a simple plain classic – with the attraction of being sung by one of the largest men on the planet.
Members of the Philadelphia Eagles recorded a Christmas album last year, and people seemed to like it enough for them to get together again this year for an encore. The main drivers are offensive linemen Jason Kelce (yes – brother of Travis, who music fans may know for other reasons), Lane Johnson, and Jordan Mailata. And most of the album is exactly what albums of this nature are usually like. It’s perfectly OK, provided you accept the fact that these guys aren’t real singers. In other words, it’s a decent amateur album with a good gimmick.
Except, in the middle of it all is this truly outstanding performance by Mailata on one of the chestnuts. Mailata is a former rugby player. The Eagles were intrigued enough by his massive frame – 6’7”, 365 lbs – that they gave him an audition. In a few short years, he has turned into on the best left tackles in game (an 83.6 rating on Pro Football Focus, if that means anything to you.) And he has an excellent tenor that knocks this one out of the park - please excuse the mixed sports metaphor here.
It’s also a pretty good rocking arrangement, with horns and piano driving things forward, and his Eagle teammates providing adequate backup. Mailata can also play guitar, and when his playing days are done, I expect he will have a second career in music.
"What Are You Doing New Year's Eve?" - Gregory Porter and Samara Joy
Here’s a partial list of the artists who have recorded Frank Loesser’s 1947 classic request for a holiday date:
Barbra Streisand, Harry Connick, Etta James, Rod Stewart, Kacey Musgraves, The Head and the Heart… even the aforementioned Straight No Chaser. You uncle has probably recorded his own version. (Actually, that may depend on who your uncle is.) The point is, this is a true classic.
Want to know how good this Porter-Joy duet is? For my money, it takes over the number spot on the list of best versions, second only to Ella Fitzgerald. If you come in second to Ella in a singing competition, you have led a charmed life.
The beauty here comes from Porter’s warm baritone blending with Joy’s classical jazz stylings. It has a lush string and piano background, and a beautiful sax solo from Tivon Pennicott, but the power comes from the vocals. The song is perfect for a duet, but most of the best-known versions have been solo efforts. I suspect Porter and Joy may inspire other duos to give it a go.
"Auld Lang Syne" - Dollyrots
The Dollyrots are always good for an upbeat take on Holiday tunes and this year is no different. Singer/bassist Kelly Ogden and her guitar-playing husband Luis Cabezas released a 12-track Christmas album (A Very Dollyrots Christmas) back in 2020. It featured cameos by their kids River and Daisy, neither of whom had yet turned five, as well as a holiday version of their biggest hit, “Because I’m Awesome,’ – rechristened as “Because I’m Santa.”
Now the pop-punk love story continues with a hard-charging “Auld Lang Syne,: with the Dollytots making their typical cameo toward the end. River, who is now an old man of about 7 or 8, routinely joins his mom and dad on stage to tell jokes, do yo-yo tricks, and strike guitar-god poses. I expect that pretty soon, he’ll be a full-fledged member of the band. I hear he’s learning piano.
"Last Christmas" - Tarja
And if all this good Christmas cheer is just a little too much for you, I give you Tarja. Tarja Turunen has a voice that you won’t soon forget. It’s that Scandinavian operatic death metal sound that we all love. She has released a Christmas album this year, appropriately called Dark Christmas. I remain unconvinced by her dark versions of happy trifles like “Jingle Bells” and “Wonderful Christmastime.”
But there are times that it all fits together perfectly. She wills “Frosty the Snowman” into her nightmare-vision because there is a touch of nightmare in the whole Frosty story. And it works best of all on the modern classic “Last Christmas.”
When George Michael sings it, it is undeniably catchy. You can believe that this is a song of overcoming heartbreak and moving forward. But is it really? Tarja digs into the heartbreak that set up the need to overcome. She gives it a gothic quality that feels like a Dario Argento horror come to life.
So there you have it. From happy and silly to Dario Argento. From Gregory Porter, who might have been a football player if an injury hadn’t derailed his career, to Jordan Mailata, who may turn to music when his football-playing days are over. And the Dollyrots – who are pretty much my favorite rock & roll band. A little something for everyone.
Happy holidays to all your ears.