Five overplayed songs from the 1970s that stole our souls

Paul Anka - "(You’re) Having My Baby"

What the eff is this song? How Jason Bateman's father-in-law could lower himself to producing such a track is astonishing. Anka is a good songwriter and capable of greatness, but this is not one of those songs. He is either happy (ickily) that his, well...girlfriend? Mistress? Wife...Got pregnant that he is overjoyed and he is even more overjoyed that she chose to not abort the fetus.

I know. That sounds harsh on my part, but the truth is that the words are all in the lyrics. Anka literally sings, "Didn't have to keep it/Wouldn't put you through it/You could have swept it from your life/But you wouldn't do it, no, you wouldn't do it."

This is certainly not a political diatribe on AudioPhix's part, but someone creating a love tune about being happy that someone they produced a child with is pregnant is fine, but parsing in that they could have made a decision that they didn't seems almost slimy, not joyous.

The weird part is that the song could be about Jason Bateman's wife. Just think about that for a second.

Gary Wright - "Dream Weaver"

Like every song on this list, the music will rot your brain. It's far too saccharine and meaningless. There is the feeling that no real musicians were used. In fact, had the lyrics been created 40 years later, we might assume they were made by the very basics of AI. They are wretched, ineffectual, and lazy. If one were to ask the songwriter what the point of the tune is, they might rightfully answer, "Dunno."

For example, the use of "train" should have simply been left out in the first verse:

"I've just closed my eyes again
Climbed aboard the dream weaver train
Driver, take away my worries of today
And leave tomorrow behind"

The song would have been better had the lyrics read, "I've just closed my eyes again" (the singer falls asleep while the music changes to something more metal).

More music news and analysis: