Reranking Rolling Stone's worst five album covers ever
By Lee Vowell
There have been some truly horrible album covers created. The issue is, besides just bad taste is not a good thing, is that album covers could be works of art as well. They help sell the band, sure, but they can also be iconic images that last for decades.
Who doesn't think of the name of the Beatles' Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band without also recalling the image of the album cover? The record was fantastic, the band excellent, and the cover helped pull the whole thing together. Nearly literally.
Recently, Rolling Stone (subscription required) put out its list of the best 100 album covers. Joy Division's Unknown Pleasures was a great choice for the top of the list. Heck, besides just the album image, the whole band will be remembered forever by recalling the cover.
Reranking Rolling Stone's worst five album covers ever
After the best-of list, though, Rolling Stone also produced a worst-of list. Their choices were fine overall - Rolling Stone is a great magazine, of course - but there were a few issues with the top five. Roger Daltrey's Ride a Rock Horse was number two, and while the image of Daltrey as a centaur is silly, the cover isn't the second-worst thing ever.
Limp Bizkit's Presents Chocolate St★rfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water was listed at number one. The cover is creepy and weird with its Gollum-type characters, but it's not the worst.
What would have made a better choice for number one is Ted Nugent's Love Grenade which features a nude woman tied up as if she is a turkey only with a grenade in her mouth. Seriously.
Check that. The image isn't the second-worst cover ever; it is likely the worst. The sad part is that coming from Nugent, a "performer" with such little class and low values that he might just barely register as human instead of some dull-witted dying piece of tree bark, the cover isn't surprising. Rolling Stone had Nugent's album at number five.
Number two should have been Three Dog Night's Hard Labor which features a "chicken" in a delivery room giving birth to...a record? It is pretty demented. Hard Labor was number eight.
Number three should have been Donny Osmond's Disco Train (which RS had listed as number 11) which features Osmond trying to move or play a white grand piano on some railroad tracks while a train approaches. Osmond should be higher on RS's list simply for sheer stupidity.
Number four should have been Orleans' Waking and Dreaming which features members of the ban naked only with the front guy looking down as if to judge another member's, well...member. How some of the covers passed inspection is unknown.
Rounding out the top five should have been the Scorpions' Lovedrive which has an image of two people in the back of a limo, a guy with bubblegum (?) stuck to part of the lady next to him. She is nearly topless and staring straight ahead almost as if paralyzed with fear. Wretched.