Often, another idea pops into my head when writing an article here and listing songs or albums. That was when I picked out seven classic rock albums, each with one song that should have been left out. It made me think about more classic rock songs that don’t work.
Now, the reasons why they don’t work can be quite varied. Personal taste always comes into play, and sometimes, no matter how highly you rate an artist, a song or two of theirs just grates on you and you can’t bring yourself to like it. In other examples, it’s an odd choice of song, out of context and style with their others, or just entirely wrong in terms of subject or context.
These aren’t songs you’d want to remember them by. Sometimes the artist shares that view and perhaps wishes they hadn’t released it. Other times, they’ll willingly take the extra cash and fame it brought them and move on.
Here are ten songs I certainly would be happier if I’d never heard them. It’s somewhat worrying that they are all from top classic rock artists and aren’t obscure fillers on an album. All of them were released as singles and had chart success.
10 songs where classic rock artists get it wrong
Dire Straits - “Twisting By The Pool”
Dire Straits didn’t release “Twisting By The Pool” on their studio albums. It did make it on compilations and live releases, though. The song was originally part of a special EP ExtendedancEPlay. Some people like its old-style, quick-paced, rock and roll. For me, it’s just highly irritating and feels a huge step away from what they are good at.
Music Radar quotes Mark Knopfler as saying, "Twisting By The Pool” was another bad idea." "I didn't know anything about making rock 'n' roll records. You have to learn the hard way and that's all I can tell you really."
David Bowie - “Laughing Gnome”
Maybe it’s unfair to include this as it comes from a time when David Bowie was trying hard to make a breakthrough. A novelty song like this was one way to get noticed. It’s not how he would want to be remembered, and with so many other great songs in his catalog, Bowie has ensured that’s not the case.
It's cheesy and potentially embarrassing, but he shrugged it off as just one of those things he had to do.
Rod Stewart - “Da Ya Think I'm Sexy?”
I like Rod Stewart; he, too, has a wide range of music to his name. He seems to have sometimes reinvented himself to remain at the top. It’s a long way from Faces to his American Songbook releases. And he’s had plenty more great songs since then, too. One of his personas was very much a Jack the Lad rock singer, which probably hit a peak in more ways than one with this song.
It’s not his best, though it was a massive hit then. It’s a bit of a nightmare now to look back on this tune, those leopard skin pants, and Stewart posturing on stage—another way to move on quickly from and put well behind you.
Genesis - “Illegal Alien”
When you think of early Genesis and the theatrical stage style of Peter Gabriel, it’s a massive leap to the way this song was portrayed. A story about the band struggling to get visas for a US trip became a song Phil Collins sang in a mock Latin American accent. There’s also a mariachi sound in the middle of the song.
Then add the promo video with the band wearing Mexican-style sombreros and ponchos, and you have to wonder what was happening. It’s been over 40 years, but it was out of touch then.
Chuck Berry - “My Ding-A-Ling”
Similarly, classic rocker Chuck Berry comes with his only number-one song. He released a live version, which was unexpectedly recorded at a show in Coventry 1972. He was being followed by Pink Floyd, who were being filmed, so his novelty joke about audience participation was also preserved.
Berry must have mixed views. It’s not a classic example of his style of music, but it made him a small fortune as a hit. It’s another song to avoid if you can.
U2 - “Vertigo”
If there were doubts about whether Bono and the band could justifiably be described as pretentious, this song killed them. Who starts a song with a weird sort of count in Spanish for no reason? Bono on this is the awkward answer with his “Uno, Dos, Tres, Catorce!” It’s one, two, three, fourteen, and a reference to the Bible.
Oh, Bono, do you have to? The song isn’t as bad as most others here, but by no means near U2’s best. Hard to get past that ick of a start from Bono, though.
Wings - “Mary Had A Little Lamb”
Paul McCartney has released a few twee songs. None more so surely than this one. It is his version of the traditional nursery rhyme put to music. It wasn’t even just a filler track on an album, it was released as a single in 1972.
To be slightly fair to McCartney, it did reach the top ten in the UK, but it’s not as if he needed the cash. He intended it to be a children’s song and had his family sing it. But as a single from an excellent rock star and band, it’s a no-thanks.
Queen - “Mustapha”
Given the vast variety of music from Queen, there’s always the chance of a song or two just not landing properly. This one from their Jazz album does divide people. I reckon it’s one of their worst. I liked almost all their songs, with a bit of a pass for the Hot Space disco era. But this one just jars and was a regular skip way back when I bought the album on vinyl.
It is the only one of the ten songs here released as a single, but the claim is flimsy. It was, but only in a few countries and not the UK or US, thankfully.
Status Quo - “Marguerita Time”
If you loved the rock and blues of Status Quo at their heyday, this song from 1983 is a travesty. It’s like soft Quo meets Jimmy Buffett, a combo that should never happen. Bass player Alan Lancaster knew best; he refused to appear in videos for the song and ducked out of a Top Of The Pops show featuring it.
Around this time, it felt like the Quo had copped out in an attempt to churn out chart records—such a shame from the band who brought us “Caroline” and many other rock classics.
Elton John - “Crocodile Rock”
Elton wrote many great songs; he has many absolute classics. He, along with Bernie Taupin, also wrote this one. It’s a fun, slightly novelty ditty or a painful and annoying listen. My vote is heavily on the latter. It detracts from the many other brilliant songs he has released.
Elton himself has dismissed it over the years and reportedly hates playing it. However, he forced himself on his farewell tour, as it is still popular with some fans.