“My Ding a Ling” by Chuck Berry (1972)
It is one of the greatest injustices in rock & roll history that Chuck Berry – the titan who largely invented rock & roll guitar – had just one Number One song, and that it was this one. “Sweet Little Sixteen” made it to number two in 1958, and Berry had not had a mainstream hit since his St. Louis to Liverpool album in 1964.
He released a live version of “My Ding a Ling” on The London Chuck Berry Sessions, sandwiched between two of his other classics recorded at the Lanchester Arts Festival – “Reelin’ and Rockin’” and “Johnny B. Goode.” Couldn’t you just guess which song the public would fawn over?
Though it may be too innocuous to call this (male appendage) song execrable, I think you do a disservice to sophomores everywhere by calling it sophomoric. Berry knows it, as you can tell by his leering, tired introduction touting “togetherness” and jammed with too many silly double entendres to count.
Cheap sex jokes are at the heart of plenty of great rock songs, and this wouldn’t be so bad if it actually were a great – or even a good – rock song. But it isn’t. It’s just a nursery rhyme lasciviously delivered by a man who was no doubt tired of seeing so many lesser musical acts ride his coattails to the pinnacle.
The song it replaced as Number One – “Ben” by Michael Jackson – is a love song sung by a 14-year-old boy to his pet rat. It is far more sensitive and meaningful than Berry’s celebration of his, well, you know.
“Kung Fu Fighting” by Carl Douglas (1974)
“Kung Fu Fighting” is one of the most parodied hit songs of rock’s golden age. It shows up in plenty of cultural touchstones, usually as a punchline of some sort. Everyone knows it – from Homer Simpson to Peter Griffin. And if that doesn’t suggest a range, I don’t know what does.
By 1974, disco was just beginning to storm the gates of popular music. It needed a fight song. What better fight song could there be than a spry dance tune about “an ancient Chinese art” recorded by a Jamaican singer settled in the UK? Where, apparently, everybody was kung fu fighting.
Since I figure you could all sing “Kung Fu Fighting” in your sleep, let me finish up by telling you about another song from Douglas’ debut album Kung Fu Fighting and Other Great Love Songs. (yes, that was the album’s actual title.) “Kung Fu Fighting” borrowed from the kung fu movies of the day, but its follow-up, “Witchfinder General,” took its inspiration directly from the classic 1968 Vincent Price film of the same name, about the sadistic 17th-century witch-hunter Matthew Hopkins.
Douglas sang the immortal lines, “Says he's got a thing about burning witches – Ooh, some of these were mighty fine bitches.” And he follows with “Nobody knows if he’s doin’ right.” I think it’s safe to say that we actually did know that he was not doin’ right.
So, to sum up – “King Fu Fighting;” silly but still awesome. “Witchfinder General;” not so much.
That concludes today’s discussion. Except I did want to share that the song I referenced earlier as my fav when I was eight was, in fact, “I’m Henry VIII, I Am.” And since I roasted Tommy James for repetitiveness in “Hanky Panky,” I think it’s only fair to suggest a more diversified lyric for the chorus. To wit…
“My baby does the hanky panky – My baby, she’s so long and lanky – My baby’s acting kind of cranky – (Cause) My baby looks like Eddie Stanky – And Stanky never was a Yankee – Yeah…”
See, with just a little effort, Tommy James could have avoided this list.