10 terrible number-one songs of the 1980s
By Jonathan Eig
3. “ROCK ON” – Michael Damien (1989)
OK, this one is personal. David Essex’s original is just about the coolest song of the 1970s. With that heartbeat bass and drum opening and Essex’s understated echo of a vocal, this is a fairly silly song that simply works. Then, seventeen years later a blandly handsome soap opera actor rerecorded it and took it to number one in the wasteland of music we call the late ‘80s.
I happen to have uncovered secret audio of Cypress Records execs Ted Cohen and Craig Sussman discussing plans for Damien to cover the Essex original. The gist of the conversation went like this. “What about that old David Essex song 'Rock On?'" “Oh yeah, I used to love that song.” “Here’s what I figure – we take everything that made the original so cool and just get rid of it. Then we give it to that soap opera guy to sing.” “Sounds like a hit to me!”
They did exactly what Club Nouveau did to Bill Withers. They loaded it up with garbage. Then they sped it up so as to completely remove the ominous soulful quality of the original. Despite this number-one hit, Cypress Records was out of business two years later. (DISCLAIMER – any reference to the discovery of secret tapes is what we refer to as poetic license.)
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2. “BABY I LOVE YOUR WAY/FREEBIRD” – Will to Power (1988)
Two terrible covers for the price of one! I never even liked Peter Frampton’s “Baby, I Love Your Way,” but it is much better than the lifeless treatment it gets from whatever Will to Power is. And I do like “Freebird,” so the little Skynyrd interlude, complete with strings, is extra frustrating. Then they spend the last minute on an outro that simply repeats the “Baby, I love your way” refrain over and over and over.
Actually, Will to Power was a modestly successful Miami dance band that was led by Bob Rosenberg. They certainly had an influence on club music in the late ‘80s. Whether that was a good or a bad thing – I’ll leave that up to you. In a really loud club, the music did have a beat that you could dance to.
Rosenberg claims to have come up with the Frampton/Skynyrd mashup while lying in a tanning bed. Not sure I buy that, but it was Miami, so who knows? He further claims to have not listened to either original song at all from the moment he came up with the idea until he had finished with his recording. That one I believe entirely.