Absolutely awful number-one songs of the 2000s

9. "All I Have" by Jennifer Lopez (featuring LL Cool J) (2003)

J. Lo had number-ones in 2001 and 2002 collaborating with Ja Rule and Murder, Inc. One of them, 2002’s “Ain’t It Funny” is a genuinely good song. Then she topped the charts in 2003, but for some reason, it wasn’t with her iconic “Jenny From the Block,” which I think is a fun, myth-making bit of soft funk. That went to number three late in 2002 but couldn’t continue its climb into the new year. Meanwhile, a bland stab at soul got her back on top in February of 2003.

The only good thing about “All I Have” is the sampling of Debra Laws' R&B classic “Very Special,” which led to an unsuccessful lawsuit against Sony by Laws (come up with your own jokes about a singer named Laws suing Sony). That opens the song rather nicely. Then LL Cool J begins droning on “Baby don’t go” about a million times while J. Lo slides some wordless warbling above the mix. It’s kind of an incongruous mix.

Then J. Lo starts singing the actual song and it’s just kinda sorta generic. I suppose it’s not terrible. It’s just not good either. The rest of the song will have her and LL going back and forth with him trying to get her to stay while she is telling him in no uncertain terms that “I’m bouncing, and I’m out son.” This song just doesn’t let the two lead artists play to their strengths. J. Lo is declaring her independence but it’s a rather soft, muted declaration. And LL – sorry, I just don’t like him as a groveller.

I don’t think this is a very good song, but maybe Tammi Terrell and Marvin Gaye could have done something with it back in the day. They certainly would have injected more actual strength and anguish into the two halves.