10. "DISCO DUCK" by Rick Dees and His Cast of Idiots (1976)
As a piece of music, âDisco Duckâ is fairly wretched. Its beat, which is the best thing about it, may rise up to average. The rest of the production is thin and watery. The chorus is lifeless. I suppose you could dance to it if you were sufficiently lubricated at your local club, but Iâd probably sit this one out and wait for âPlay That Funky Music White Boy,â which hit the top spot a few weeks before the Duck.
The story is lame. Dees sells it with the high gloss passion of a radio DJ, which is exactly what he was. He certainly was not a singer. And then there is the duck itself. Truth be told, itâs a damn fine Donald Duck impression. But it has no place in a pop song. Maybe if the song were about fifty times more clever, but it isnât. Itâs not particularly funny, which makes that duck voice remarkably grating after about two seconds of novelty.
The reason it isnât higher (or lower) on my list is because of that novelty. Dees wasnât trying to write a serious pop song. He was just goofing. So I canât say this is as bad as what is to come. But even for a novelty, âDisco Duckâ is garbage.
Check out C. W. McCallâs âConvoy,â another novelty song that hit number one at the beginning of â76. C.W. McCall doesnât even exist. The name is an invention of the two men who created the novelty song about truckers and CB radio. Itâs a bit silly, but itâs a fun ride and an actual song. âDisco Duckâ is enough to make Daisy leave Donald.
9. âMAKE IT WITH YOUâ by Bread (1970)
I have no problem with soft rock. But it should never be this soft. I mean, the Carpenters' âClose to Youâ and the Partridge Familyâs âI Think I Love Youâ bookended Breadâs song at number one, and theyâre not even close to making my list. Theyâre decent songs. âMake It With You,â on the other hand, is as syrupy as you get outside of your local IHOP.
David Gates, frontman and primary songwriter for the band, can sing. Itâs not a great voice, but itâs pleasant enough. The first verse of this song could go either way. Itâs an understated production but that might work with the laid-back sentiment. Then the second verse kicks in, with strings now backing Gates, and we struggle not to fall asleep. It is followed by the least conspicuous guitar solo I know of. It begins as if it might go somewhere, only to be immediately swallowed up by those Ambien-like strings. I canât imagine what it was like in the mixing booth when that decision was made.
Of course, there is no way to know this, but it would be fascinating to know how many amorous youngsters actually sealed the deal to the sound of David Gatesâ voice. I find it hard to believe that anyone ever did. I mean, Tom Jones, Barry White â I can see that. But there must be a thousand better ways to tell someone âIâd Like to Make It With Youâ than this song.
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