Ten worst number-one songs of the 1990s
By Jonathan Eig
8. “I DON’T HAVE THE HEART” by James Ingram (1990)
Speaking of awful arrangements… Those same swirling strings and anonymous keyboards flood an even worse song by a good singer. I mean, this guy sang “Baby, Come to Me” with Patti Austin. That’s a James Ingram song that shows off his voice to max effect. But “I Don’t Have the Heart” may be taken literally here. Ingram wrote and produced it with Thom Bell, one of the best soul producers of the ‘70s and ‘80s, but this song just lies there, and all the strings and harps and pianos in the world can’t wake it up.
In the middle of the second verse, Ingram begins pushing the vocals in an attempt to make the song come to life. He comes close. It’s not his best vocal, but in a better song, it would be just fine. But OMG, whenever there’s a sign of life, here come those incredibly heavy-handed strings to smother things.
Then, in the final minute, out of nowhere, the song turns electric with a fairly ordinary guitar solo. It’s the best part of the song, but it is so incongruous that it makes you wonder what Bell and Ingram were going for. As it fades out, you’re kind of left with a mishmash.
7. “THE FIRST TIME” by Surface (1991)
How much of a sin is it to be completely forgettable? Surface hit number one in the winter of 1991 with the most generic of songs. They were a fairly generic pop vocal trio who sang gentle, understated songs about love and devotion.
Every Surface song I have ever heard sounds the exact same. The same shimmering orchestrations. The same sweet harmonies. I actually admire the fact that with the exception of “You Are My Everything,” they tend to keep those saccharine strings and whispery vocals to a minimum. There is nothing special about most of Surface’s discography, nor is there much that is disturbing.
None of their songs were strong enough to hit the top of the charts, but I really have trouble understanding why “The First Time” was the one that did it. There is scarcely a melody. The lyrics are fairly standard stuff. The verse’s couplets don’t even rhyme.
I have never been able to identify anything special about the song. It is almost instantly forgettable. I’ll admit that when I was compiling this list, I listened to it once, and then – literally two hours later – listened to it again because I forgot I had heard it. I still could not hum a couple of bars. Maybe that’s the secret to the song’s success. For a song about the first time you fall in love, it is always as if you are listening to the song for the first time. It’s that forgettable.