Ten worst number-one songs of the 1990s

4. “GOOD VIBRATIONS” by Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch (1991)

In 1980, soul singer Loleatta Holloway had a dance hit with “Love Sensation.” It’s a very solid dance staple. Holloway belts out the iconic chorus like a genuine pro. She was never really able to build on that success and toiled away through the ‘80s, scoring the occasional minor dance hit along the way. Then Mark Wahlberg, younger brother of NKOTB member Donnie, put together his own faux hip hop band called the Funky Bunch. Their first hit was a dance number that heavily sampled “Love Sensation.”

The Holloway part of the song is the only thing worth listening to. During Marky Mark’s rapping – from his opening drawn out “Yeah” to his commands to “Swing!” or “Feel the vibration,” it’s hard to tell whether Marky Mark is trying to be a serious rapper or is simply doing it all as a goof. I suspect the latter.

This song is as fake as the New Kids trying to act tough in “Hangin’ Tough.” Regardless of whether he was laughing or not, Marky Mark raked in cash and acclaim that always eluded Holloway. Wahlberg fully credited Holloway on the song – something that was not common practice at the time – and, I believe, paid her well too. His heart was in the right place, even if his voice was not.

The Funky Bunch would soon dissolve and after a few attempts at launching a solo career, Marky Mark vanished as well, replaced by the actor Mark Wahlberg. A very smart move.

3. “I’LL BE YOUR EVERYTHING” by Tommy Page (1990)

This is the fourth decade I have covered in this series and I have begun to note a pattern. For numbers 10 through five (give or take a spot or two), I have songs that I simply don’t like. I don’t think they are good songs, despite their commercial success. But when I get down to the top three or four, I arrive at songs that I simply find painful to listen to.

Tommy Page‘s “I’ll Be Your Everything” isn’t merely bad. It’s unlistenable. From the generic fern bar bass and synthetic chords that open things, through that whining sax riff that seemed trendy more than a decade earlier, we’re in a bad place. Then Page’s fluffy vocals kick in, and we descend into hell.

I have owned up to my love/hate with the New Kids, but this song is a distillation of all their worst impulses. Page wrote it with New Kids Jordan Knight and Donny Wood. Knight produced it and other NKOTB members sang background. Page sang high like Knight, but he didn’t possess the diamond sharpness of Knight’s falsetto. It’s a mushy tenor that tries to caress the song but never captures any actual romance.

Page was cute, and he sings kind of like a teddy bear, I suppose that very young audience members could find this song endearing. But I know six-year-olds who would roll their eyes at this pap. Page switched to the other side of the glass and worked as a successful music exec for many years. Tragically, he took his own life in 2017. He was 46.