Ten worst number-one songs of the 1990s

1. BRYAN ADAMS AND THE DEATH OF ROCK AND ROLL

Let’s get this out of the way. Bryan Adams was capable of doing actual rock and roll. “Summer of ‘69” and “Run to You” may not be your favorites, but they are actual rock songs. But he wasn’t conquering the world with decent rockers. So he started recording some of the most anguished “rock” ballads you will ever hear.

He had flirted with this sound in the mid-‘80s with “Heaven,” his first number one. But he doubled, tripled and quadrupled down with “(Everything I Do) I Do It For You” in 1991. His ragged vocal passed for high emotion. You know it because the piano grew more majestic when he sang the chorus. It is a totally inert song that makes you want to get Adams a throat lozenge.

I think “I Do It For You” is Adams’ worst song, but his final number one, the Latin-tinged “Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman” (1995) comes close. There’s a total disconnect between the Flamenco verse and the sing-song chorus. OK – maybe not a total disconnect, because that guitar still lingers throughout, even when the mix goes electric on the bridge. But that kind of makes it worse.

Between those two songs, he teamed up with Rod Stewart and Sting to record “All For Love.” It is not the worst Bryan Adams song, but it is quite possibly the worst song – at least a popular song – that either Stewart or Sting was ever involved with. I suppose that’s a notable achievement.  

I want to stress at this point that though many of those maudlin love ballads with the lifeless arrangements fill up my list, I am not averse to romance. Give me a Boyz II Men song any day of the week and I can listen to it. Even “One Sweet Day,” which I think was the worst number one from both Boyz II Men and Mariah Carey. But I can listen to it. (So could everyone else in the ‘90s – “One Sweet Day” was number one for 16 weeks.)

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